I use to hate Valentine's Day. It was just another day to remind me of my failings, how some people were treated "better" than I felt treated and how "unloved" I was. Now I know it's hogwash. Receiving flowers and candy don't make you special or loved, they are things that either end up in the trash or toilet (well they do:). The fact that I didn't feel special on ANY day of the year was not going to change because it was Valentine's Day. A dozen roses and a box of chocolates would have made me feel good, for a while, but would have little effect on the overall way that I felt about myself. It wasn't about how people treated me or how loved I was, it was my inner voice that was doing me in.
I am married now to someone who is not exactly romantic and has rarely bought me flowers or candy. I actually find it kind of ironic considering for all those years that's what I thought I wanted. I'm not going to lie and say that I don't like those things, I do, but receiving them or not will make no difference in how I will feel today. I will be happy because I have a husband who comes home every evening to be with his family and I have a daugher who delights in being chased around the house and a cat who meows just because I am there. Not big deals, but wonderful and special none the less. They don't cost a thing, don't make be gain weight and don't end up in the trash. All this may change by next year, my husband may leave me, my cat, who is old, may be gone and my daughter may no longer delight in being active and simply want to watch TV. The fact is, who knows what tomorrow brings, there are no guarantees in life and no promises that might not be broken.
Enjoy today, Valentine's Day, enjoy tomorrow, Wednesday and every other day that you are given and welcome them with a smile, because they are a gift you shouldn't throw in the trash or flush down the toilet.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Hello!
To all my nonfollowers, I am back from la-la land. How long my visit will be, I'm not sure, but I thought I'd give this blogging thing a whirl again. I have missed writing, but just have not had the time.
I thought I might delve into the whole "pursuit of happiness" thing again, seeing that it is the name of my blog. I've been a little off-track lately, OK, more than lately, more like for months. You see, my sweet, lovable little girl has been going through the terrible two's. Not all that suprising, since, she is two and so far has managed to indulge in every "stage" imaginable in the infant to toddler age range. Apparently she wants to experience it all. I can say that it should be totally expected seeing that she is in daycare with children of exactly the same age range and no matter what the age, people seem to want to be with the "in" crowd. At two, the in-crowd appears to consist of overly defiant, headstrong little imps with the ability to now talk-back and verbalize their complete dissatisfaction with the way things should be done. At first it was just "NO", but now my extremely intelligent child has expanded to "I don't want to..", "you go away" and "Mommy, you go in time out.." This stage also seems to consist of running in the opposite direction at break-neck speed, kicking, biting and slapping. Thankfully, she is getting towards the end of this stage and appears to be able to save her bad behavior for home and is an angel at daycare. So apparently my child wants to be in with the wildabeasts but is only brave enough to show her wild behavior in the safety of her own home and occasionally in a restuarant or two.
I've been conflicted on how to deal with this behavior. Waivering back and forth between firm discipline to happy distraction. I've never been a monkeying-around kind of person, and for the most part, am about as uptight as they come. I want my child to be happy, as my quest for happiness is not just for my benefit, but for hers as well. Unfortunately, I've been in constant conflict with my natural tendencies and what I know is probably best for my child. Strict discipline maybe my natural tendency, but it is not what is right for my child and as I've quickly learned, doesn't work at all in getting the desired results, a well-behaved, happy little girl.
Overall, I guess you could say that I am getting through it and just like with every other phase my child has gone through, I've learned a lot about myself in the process. I've learned that every challenge is also an opportunity to do better and be better. Growing up is not a process that stops at the age of 18. Growing up appears to be something that we all need to be open to at any age. It is only through maturity that I am able to understand this. What I've also learned is that growing up and maturity don't have to equal straight-laced, uptight, all about being responsible type behavior. Sometimes it means, putting on a silly face and making funny sounds while jumping on one foot. It tends to appeal to my two year old, get the desired results of better behavior and makes us both laugh....here's to the pursuit of happiness
I thought I might delve into the whole "pursuit of happiness" thing again, seeing that it is the name of my blog. I've been a little off-track lately, OK, more than lately, more like for months. You see, my sweet, lovable little girl has been going through the terrible two's. Not all that suprising, since, she is two and so far has managed to indulge in every "stage" imaginable in the infant to toddler age range. Apparently she wants to experience it all. I can say that it should be totally expected seeing that she is in daycare with children of exactly the same age range and no matter what the age, people seem to want to be with the "in" crowd. At two, the in-crowd appears to consist of overly defiant, headstrong little imps with the ability to now talk-back and verbalize their complete dissatisfaction with the way things should be done. At first it was just "NO", but now my extremely intelligent child has expanded to "I don't want to..", "you go away" and "Mommy, you go in time out.." This stage also seems to consist of running in the opposite direction at break-neck speed, kicking, biting and slapping. Thankfully, she is getting towards the end of this stage and appears to be able to save her bad behavior for home and is an angel at daycare. So apparently my child wants to be in with the wildabeasts but is only brave enough to show her wild behavior in the safety of her own home and occasionally in a restuarant or two.
I've been conflicted on how to deal with this behavior. Waivering back and forth between firm discipline to happy distraction. I've never been a monkeying-around kind of person, and for the most part, am about as uptight as they come. I want my child to be happy, as my quest for happiness is not just for my benefit, but for hers as well. Unfortunately, I've been in constant conflict with my natural tendencies and what I know is probably best for my child. Strict discipline maybe my natural tendency, but it is not what is right for my child and as I've quickly learned, doesn't work at all in getting the desired results, a well-behaved, happy little girl.
Overall, I guess you could say that I am getting through it and just like with every other phase my child has gone through, I've learned a lot about myself in the process. I've learned that every challenge is also an opportunity to do better and be better. Growing up is not a process that stops at the age of 18. Growing up appears to be something that we all need to be open to at any age. It is only through maturity that I am able to understand this. What I've also learned is that growing up and maturity don't have to equal straight-laced, uptight, all about being responsible type behavior. Sometimes it means, putting on a silly face and making funny sounds while jumping on one foot. It tends to appeal to my two year old, get the desired results of better behavior and makes us both laugh....here's to the pursuit of happiness
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Blogging Failure
I'll be the first to admit that I am a blogging failure. I have seen some amazing blogs out there recently, nicely arranged sites with lots of wonderfully written posts with a ton of faithful followers. My biggest question to all of these lovely bloggers is, "when in the heck do you find the time?"
I know that I am not the best at time management, but I don't feel like I am the worst at it either. I multi-task at work, but I do my best to not multi-task at home. Sometimes it's inevitable that I will be doing several things at one time, but my ultimate goal at home is to provide as much of my undivided attention to my daughter as possible. I know that playing fairies and weebles with my daughter is not getting anything done, but it is productive. My daughter is my biggest priority and as a working mom, who spends little enough time with her, I want to play fairies and dance around the kitchen with her as much as I possibly can. I am one of those mothers who has lost themselves to their child. Yes, my personal pursuits of having the ultimate blog or killer abs have fallen by the wayside. I don't spend any more time on myself than absolutely necessary in order to not become an embarrasement to my husband or my daughter.
Truly, I don't care. I spent years of it being all about me. When I became a parent, I made the decision that my pursuits were not what was important, my child took priority and always will. I know that as my daughter gets older she will need me less and less and perhaps then I will become more involved in pursuing my goals. In the meantime, I am happy dancing around the kitchen with my daughter and this blog being a complete failure!
I know that I am not the best at time management, but I don't feel like I am the worst at it either. I multi-task at work, but I do my best to not multi-task at home. Sometimes it's inevitable that I will be doing several things at one time, but my ultimate goal at home is to provide as much of my undivided attention to my daughter as possible. I know that playing fairies and weebles with my daughter is not getting anything done, but it is productive. My daughter is my biggest priority and as a working mom, who spends little enough time with her, I want to play fairies and dance around the kitchen with her as much as I possibly can. I am one of those mothers who has lost themselves to their child. Yes, my personal pursuits of having the ultimate blog or killer abs have fallen by the wayside. I don't spend any more time on myself than absolutely necessary in order to not become an embarrasement to my husband or my daughter.
Truly, I don't care. I spent years of it being all about me. When I became a parent, I made the decision that my pursuits were not what was important, my child took priority and always will. I know that as my daughter gets older she will need me less and less and perhaps then I will become more involved in pursuing my goals. In the meantime, I am happy dancing around the kitchen with my daughter and this blog being a complete failure!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Adoption Awareness Month
I've mentioned in previous posts that I am a mother to a wonderful little girl. I am blessed to be her mother and will never take loving her for granted. I believe in my heart that I am a better person because of her and that I will continue to strive to be even better, because of her. My daughter doesn't share my genes, she doesn't have my eyes, hair or nose. Outside, I have nothing to do with her beauty, inside, I believe that I may have a little more influence.
November is Adoption Awareness Month. I read a lot of blogs and many are written by adoptive parents. Our journeys are sometimes similar, but the stories are uniquely our own. I no longer consider my daughter to be "adopted" or myself to be an "adoptive" mother. She is my daughter, I am her mother. I can't imagine the bond could be any stronger between us had I given birth to her. From the moment my husband and I laid eyes on her, she was our child. That being said, we are not her only parents and the love they have for her is not lessened by the fact that they are not raising her, no more than the love that we have for her is lessened by the fact that we didn't give birth to her.
In my experience, adoption is often misunderstood, from the process to the people involved. I strongly believe in the process of strictly screening all potential adoptive families. To me it is about the safety and well being of the child, not about my personal feelings or right to privacy. In my experience, I found the process to be neither intrusive or overly restrictive. We were questioned, interviewed, screened and fingerprinted, but it was nothing that I didn't understand to be totally necessary. I found it to be way less personally invading than the whole IVF process. With adoption, no one every asked me to strip from the waist down or spread my legs in a room full of strangers...but I digress.
My daughter's other mother is a wonderful, intelligent, and caring woman, who continues to show love and concern for her daughter. She is not a drug addict, whore or any of the other stereotypical images found in the media.
Adoption is expensive, but we are not rich nor are we famous. We may not be Angelina and Brad, but our daughter has everything that she will ever need and we will do all we can to make sure she has every opportunity.
My daughter is not bound by heredity or traditions, she is free to be who she wants to be. We have no preconceived expectations that she will be a good dancer, like her mother or good in English, like her father. She will be able to explore and find her own greatness. We refuse to allow her to be identified as "adopted" as if it makes her strange or different. She is special, not because of where she came from, but because of who she is and who she allows herself to dream and become.
I hope that I have offered a little insight to the beauty of adoption, what it is to us and why I wouldn't have it anyother way.
November is Adoption Awareness Month. I read a lot of blogs and many are written by adoptive parents. Our journeys are sometimes similar, but the stories are uniquely our own. I no longer consider my daughter to be "adopted" or myself to be an "adoptive" mother. She is my daughter, I am her mother. I can't imagine the bond could be any stronger between us had I given birth to her. From the moment my husband and I laid eyes on her, she was our child. That being said, we are not her only parents and the love they have for her is not lessened by the fact that they are not raising her, no more than the love that we have for her is lessened by the fact that we didn't give birth to her.
In my experience, adoption is often misunderstood, from the process to the people involved. I strongly believe in the process of strictly screening all potential adoptive families. To me it is about the safety and well being of the child, not about my personal feelings or right to privacy. In my experience, I found the process to be neither intrusive or overly restrictive. We were questioned, interviewed, screened and fingerprinted, but it was nothing that I didn't understand to be totally necessary. I found it to be way less personally invading than the whole IVF process. With adoption, no one every asked me to strip from the waist down or spread my legs in a room full of strangers...but I digress.
My daughter's other mother is a wonderful, intelligent, and caring woman, who continues to show love and concern for her daughter. She is not a drug addict, whore or any of the other stereotypical images found in the media.
Adoption is expensive, but we are not rich nor are we famous. We may not be Angelina and Brad, but our daughter has everything that she will ever need and we will do all we can to make sure she has every opportunity.
My daughter is not bound by heredity or traditions, she is free to be who she wants to be. We have no preconceived expectations that she will be a good dancer, like her mother or good in English, like her father. She will be able to explore and find her own greatness. We refuse to allow her to be identified as "adopted" as if it makes her strange or different. She is special, not because of where she came from, but because of who she is and who she allows herself to dream and become.
I hope that I have offered a little insight to the beauty of adoption, what it is to us and why I wouldn't have it anyother way.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Neglected
This blog has been EXTREMELY neglected and today I find myself with ten minutes to write before leaving to pick up my daughter from daycare. Not really enough time to write anything more or less anything even the slightest bit interesting. I just will quickly update that I am continuing on my pursuit of happiness. I do have so much more to say about the daily challenges of keeping happiness a priority in my life and doing so with a 21 month old who is finding her own way in this world, developing her own personality and challenging me in every way that she can. I will say that my pursuit no longer just exists for myself, but for my daughter as well. So the challenge exists not only to live a life filled with happiness, but to successfully create a life where my daughter can do so as well. I find it interesting that life still does get in the way, so suggestions about how to slow down and teach this very important lesson to my child on a day to day basis would be greatly appreciated.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Time Flies
I can't believe that last time I posted was April 30th! Wow how time flies. I haven't forgotten about this blog, just haven't had a lot of extra time to write. Then this article, "All Joy and No fun" by Jennifer Senior, was featured on MSN and I decided it was well worth taking the time to post a short blog (or is it blog a short post:)) It was a very good read and I can say that I enjoyed it immensely for it honesty. I would recommend this article to everyone who is contemplating having children.
Having a child, for me, makes me very happy, but not in the way that I thought it would, and I'd thought about being a parent for a long time. I always tell people it is the hardest job you will ever love and I stand by that statement. My daughter is the most delightful little girl, but she is demanding, hard headed and requires a TON of patience. She is not interested at all in making me happy and it's not her job to do that, it's mine.
I stand by my belief that not everyone is cut out to be a parent, and I wish that people who have made that decision would stop being judged for it. I think it's extremely responsible to realize what you want in life and what brings you happiness and whether a child(ren) will be part of that equation or NOT.
Having a child, for me, makes me very happy, but not in the way that I thought it would, and I'd thought about being a parent for a long time. I always tell people it is the hardest job you will ever love and I stand by that statement. My daughter is the most delightful little girl, but she is demanding, hard headed and requires a TON of patience. She is not interested at all in making me happy and it's not her job to do that, it's mine.
I stand by my belief that not everyone is cut out to be a parent, and I wish that people who have made that decision would stop being judged for it. I think it's extremely responsible to realize what you want in life and what brings you happiness and whether a child(ren) will be part of that equation or NOT.
Friday, April 30, 2010
What IF..
This is not technically an "infertility blog". I've been down that road, in fact, that's where it all began, blogging about my plight to become a mother. I still stay connected to the community to a certain degree because I'd become invested. Invested in a cause that I feel is worthwhile and invested in the women who have "been there" are "still there" and "will always be there". The reason I stepped away was because I didn't want to be one of the ones that "will always be there".
Recently I participated in part I of a two part project, "Project IF". The first part entailed just "stating your biggest “what if” in regards to infertility." To be honest, this was a very easy thing for me to write about. Part of going through the process of trying to have a baby when subfertile or infertile is constantly questioning things and there are a ton of "what ifs" along the way because there as so many variables, options, choices and decisions to make. I questioned every step along the way, everything I'd done in my past and everything that my decisions could mean for the future. It is a TON of emotional weight to bear.
For me it took time and distance to gain clarity on this period in my life. Often when one is in middle of something it is difficult to see things clearly and of course there is also something to be said about Monday morning quarterbacking. What I know now is if I could go back, I wouldn't do anything differently, so basically, all my "what ifs" were for not. It was a wonderful lesson to learn. What ifs get you no where and the only thing they do is cause anxiety, emotional turmoil and unhappiness.
As I participated in the first part of this project, as mentioned before, I easily came up with a "what If"...and then I thought about it and reminded myself not to go there. I can't change what is already done and I have faith in God that everything that happens in my life, happens for a reason. I believe in myself and that I will face every decision with an open mind and heart, and that I will do my very best to do what's right. It's all I can do and I'm happy with that. So no more "what IFs" for me.
Recently I participated in part I of a two part project, "Project IF". The first part entailed just "stating your biggest “what if” in regards to infertility." To be honest, this was a very easy thing for me to write about. Part of going through the process of trying to have a baby when subfertile or infertile is constantly questioning things and there are a ton of "what ifs" along the way because there as so many variables, options, choices and decisions to make. I questioned every step along the way, everything I'd done in my past and everything that my decisions could mean for the future. It is a TON of emotional weight to bear.
For me it took time and distance to gain clarity on this period in my life. Often when one is in middle of something it is difficult to see things clearly and of course there is also something to be said about Monday morning quarterbacking. What I know now is if I could go back, I wouldn't do anything differently, so basically, all my "what ifs" were for not. It was a wonderful lesson to learn. What ifs get you no where and the only thing they do is cause anxiety, emotional turmoil and unhappiness.
As I participated in the first part of this project, as mentioned before, I easily came up with a "what If"...and then I thought about it and reminded myself not to go there. I can't change what is already done and I have faith in God that everything that happens in my life, happens for a reason. I believe in myself and that I will face every decision with an open mind and heart, and that I will do my very best to do what's right. It's all I can do and I'm happy with that. So no more "what IFs" for me.
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