For a lot of people the coming holidays are an exciting and cheerful time filled with love, family togetherness and good times. For others, it means lots of damn work, cooking and cleaning, getting together with family you don't really care for and trying to avoid gaining fifty pounds before it is all over.
So my question is, are group A's dinners that much easier to prepare, are their families less annoying and does their food contain less calories? Well, I doubt it.
I find it quite amazing that anyone would suggest that piling on more work with decorating, extra baking/cooking, spending money (often beyond what we have) and enduring the company of people, for who the most part annoy us, would in any way bring joy and happiness. Or, for that matter, make someone that is struggling being happy to begin with all of a sudden be bright and cheery. Is it all just a bunch of bologna?
We've all seen the commercials, extremely attractive people dancing around in perfect outfits, smiling and looking very happy. Isn't this what we should all look like around the holidays? Do we just expect that on Thanksgiving Day for our happy meter to be turned up and all of a sudden we'll just feel waves of happiness streaming through our bodies? When that outfit doesn't quite fit, our smile isn't as bright, our turkey looks less than picture perfect, and the tablecloth gets a gravy stain on it, are the images of what happiness looks like forever broken? Perhaps trying to live up to this Martha Stewartish vision of the holidays is part of the problem.
So are the happy holiday people just in denial about how they really feel? Are they so consumed with the what they are suppose to feel that they truly buy into this media/retailer driven vision of happiness? Maybe it's the opposite? Maybe these happy holiday people don't buy into this fantasy world at all. They don't overburden themselves with materialistic crap and could care less about the turkey looking like the magazine covers. Shoot, perhaps they will even admit they hate ham and turkey and make themselves a really nice Thanksgiving steak! Perhaps even some put everything into perspective, they realize that it's not about the food, decorations or gifts, it's about the time that you spend with their loved ones. They don't all of a sudden have to turn on happiness because they are already happy. They decide, no matter what insanely despicable remark Aunt Ida makes, Aunt Ida will not ruin their holiday. They've just decided they will be happy and nothing and no one can change that.
I've straddled the fence between loving and hating the holidays for years. I find it hard not to buy into all the media hype; the perfect looking table settings, food and decorations; finding just the right gifts and spending more than I should. I get stressed when there just isn't enough time in an already busy life to do even more work to make this perfection happen. But I love doing things for others, when I do find that perfect gift and seeing the delight in their faces when they open it. I love making delicious cookies and the way the house smells after a day of baking. So how do I win this battle between love and hate? How can I learn to love the drudgery of dragging the decorations out of the attic and trying to get the tree straight in the stand? How do I not get bogged down and truly enjoy being with the people I love. Can I just decide? Is it really that easy?
I, too, have very mixed feelings about the holidays. My father was "Mr. Christmas" and insisted we decorate, sing, and, especially, BE HAPPY!!! at Christmas time. So I have some resistance to doing that now. And my challenges lie in the direction of organization and time management, which are in great demand at Holiday time, which is a recipe for frustration. I have a large extended family and there is much chaos around family gatherings. My sons HATE to be in the large group with them--it's overwhelming (though being teenagers is part of this). I am torn between taking care of my children and enjoying my family of origin (FOO).
ReplyDeleteAnd yet...I love the idea of anticipating and then welcoming a Child, as my husband and I did when we went through the process of adopting our children. I think about the virgin Mary as an unmarried, pregnant girl, as my sons' birth mothers were. I love, as you mentioned, giving, or especially, making, the perfect gift for someone. I love sending cards with a photo of our family, and even making or designing cards when I can manage that. Even though most of them don't go out on time (I did get them out before the end of January this year!), I love to send them.
So I guess the answer is to know there will be chaos and stress but to dwell on the high points.
By the way, I enjoy your blog. Don't worry about having a following. You are speaking to a big universe (full of busy people), and it's the speaking that matters most, I think.