Tis the Season...

For a lot of people the coming holidays are an exciting and cheerful time filled with love, family togetherness and good times. For others, it means lots of damn work, cooking and cleaning, getting together with family you don't really care for and trying to avoid gaining fifty pounds before it is all over.

So my question is, are group A's dinners that much easier to prepare, are their families less annoying and does their food contain less calories? Well, I doubt it.

I find it quite amazing that anyone would suggest that piling on more work with decorating, extra baking/cooking, spending money (often beyond what we have) and enduring the company of people, for who the most part annoy us, would in any way bring joy and happiness. Or, for that matter, make someone that is struggling being happy to begin with all of a sudden be bright and cheery. Is it all just a bunch of bologna?

We've all seen the commercials, extremely attractive people dancing around in perfect outfits, smiling and looking very happy. Isn't this what we should all look like around the holidays? Do we just expect that on Thanksgiving Day for our happy meter to be turned up and all of a sudden we'll just feel waves of happiness streaming through our bodies? When that outfit doesn't quite fit, our smile isn't as bright, our turkey looks less than picture perfect, and the tablecloth gets a gravy stain on it, are the images of what happiness looks like forever broken? Perhaps trying to live up to this Martha Stewartish vision of the holidays is part of the problem.

So are the happy holiday people just in denial about how they really feel? Are they so consumed with the what they are suppose to feel that they truly buy into this media/retailer driven vision of happiness? Maybe it's the opposite? Maybe these happy holiday people don't buy into this fantasy world at all. They don't overburden themselves with materialistic crap and could care less about the turkey looking like the magazine covers. Shoot, perhaps they will even admit they hate ham and turkey and make themselves a really nice Thanksgiving steak! Perhaps even some put everything into perspective, they realize that it's not about the food, decorations or gifts, it's about the time that you spend with their loved ones. They don't all of a sudden have to turn on happiness because they are already happy. They decide, no matter what insanely despicable remark Aunt Ida makes, Aunt Ida will not ruin their holiday. They've just decided they will be happy and nothing and no one can change that.

I've straddled the fence between loving and hating the holidays for years. I find it hard not to buy into all the media hype; the perfect looking table settings, food and decorations; finding just the right gifts and spending more than I should. I get stressed when there just isn't enough time in an already busy life to do even more work to make this perfection happen. But I love doing things for others, when I do find that perfect gift and seeing the delight in their faces when they open it. I love making delicious cookies and the way the house smells after a day of baking. So how do I win this battle between love and hate? How can I learn to love the drudgery of dragging the decorations out of the attic and trying to get the tree straight in the stand? How do I not get bogged down and truly enjoy being with the people I love. Can I just decide? Is it really that easy?

Be Happy!

I know, it's a lot easier said than done. Yes, I have had my share of trials, tribulations, losses, problems and conflicts; I've stumbled, tripped and downright fallen flat on my face; I've wallowed in self-pity, struck out in anger, and bitterly detested those who seem to have life easier than myself.

About two years ago I started reading blogs and eventually started writing one, which I retired several months ago. It was a process of self-discovery and awareness. What I discovered surprised me. Misery does love company, birds of a feather-do flock together and some people will kick you when you are down. What I also discovered was that my life was pretty easy in comparison to a lot of others, one can see a silver lining in almost any dark cloud and what doesn't kill you can make you stronger.

I once thought that simply being happy was for those who had life easy or that lived with their heads in the sand. I mean, really, with all the utter misery that surrounds us every day, how in the heck can anyone be truly happy?

I'd often wondered, how can one person go through the loss of a loved one, the diagnosis of a life altering disease, or life changing event and come out stronger, more determined and happier than before, while another person is destroyed, can no longer function, or is forever bitter? Is it character? The way one is raised? Religion? Or in fact, is ignorance bliss?

It truly amazes me how many questions there are about happiness, how many studies have been done and surveys taken. Apparently they have even managed to rank countries by happiness. Congratulations, Denmark, you seem to be happiest country in the world. But why? Is there some magic pill or some deep secret that they've discovered why the rest of us trudge away in a constant state of wanting or trying to be happy? Millions of dollars are spent on products, books and seminars that promise happiness. If you own this, weigh this, look like this or do this, you too can be happy. Really?

What if it all came down to a simple choice? How easy is it just to decide everyday that no matter what happens, what proverbial pile of dog poo you step into, you will be happy? No gimmicks, no fancy watches or new hairstyles. No life filled with perfection or roses without thorns, just a choice.

Welcome to my blog and my life of trying to make that choice.