This is not technically an "infertility blog". I've been down that road, in fact, that's where it all began, blogging about my plight to become a mother. I still stay connected to the community to a certain degree because I'd become invested. Invested in a cause that I feel is worthwhile and invested in the women who have "been there" are "still there" and "will always be there". The reason I stepped away was because I didn't want to be one of the ones that "will always be there".
Recently I participated in part I of a two part project, "Project IF". The first part entailed just "stating your biggest “what if” in regards to infertility." To be honest, this was a very easy thing for me to write about. Part of going through the process of trying to have a baby when subfertile or infertile is constantly questioning things and there are a ton of "what ifs" along the way because there as so many variables, options, choices and decisions to make. I questioned every step along the way, everything I'd done in my past and everything that my decisions could mean for the future. It is a TON of emotional weight to bear.
For me it took time and distance to gain clarity on this period in my life. Often when one is in middle of something it is difficult to see things clearly and of course there is also something to be said about Monday morning quarterbacking. What I know now is if I could go back, I wouldn't do anything differently, so basically, all my "what ifs" were for not. It was a wonderful lesson to learn. What ifs get you no where and the only thing they do is cause anxiety, emotional turmoil and unhappiness.
As I participated in the first part of this project, as mentioned before, I easily came up with a "what If"...and then I thought about it and reminded myself not to go there. I can't change what is already done and I have faith in God that everything that happens in my life, happens for a reason. I believe in myself and that I will face every decision with an open mind and heart, and that I will do my very best to do what's right. It's all I can do and I'm happy with that. So no more "what IFs" for me.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The Power Within You
For my lack of posting, I do still read a ton of articles on the Internet. I came across this one on MSN: http://health.msn.com/health-topics/depression/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100256862>1=31009. I highly recommend reading it because it really does focus on how much power we have as individuals when it comes to happiness. I like the part about learning to relax. This for me is still a work in progress. I don't have "a go with the flow" mindset and often find myself stressed over small things. I really have to make a concentrated effort to just relax and when I do, things are so much better.
One of my biggest stresses is my mother-in-law. She will try the patience of a saint and I am NO saint. I try to avoid the woman as much as possible, but as one can imagine, I do have to interact with her more often than I would like. My husband doesn't quite get it, but as time goes by I do notice that he is understanding a little more how I feel and why I feel that way. We had to make a trip to visit her this past weekend and I could feel my stress level rising even before the day of our visit. Just the anticipation of being around her and all the work that goes into carting off a 15 month old on a two hour drive and ten hour visit entailed sent my stress levels soaring. Normally this would have continued right through the weekend and I would have been extremely difficult to deal with until several days later. My natural inclination was stress and it wasn't going to be good for me or anyone else. I had to make a very real effort to just relax. No looking at the clock to see when we were going to leave, go to eat, have dinner ready, get back etc... Clock watching and being on any kind of schedule is pointless with my mother-in-law. She is extremely self-centered, doesn't care if your hungry, until she's hungry and is always late for everything. My husband tends to fall into the late for everything scenario as well. One has to be very easy going to get along in this situation and by nature, I'm not.
One thing I had to remember and one of the many reasons I write here, was that I had the power and by letting her and/or my husband stress me out was giving them power that they did not deserve. Coping meant me having to accommodate their issues and in turn mine as well. Setting myself up for success instead of stress was something I had to make a specific effort to do. I decided I was going to have a good weekend and that with a few changes in my behavior made all the difference. I knew I wasn't going to be able to change them, been trying that and it hasn't worked for me so far, but I can control me. So I didn't rush to leave, going or coming home. I took snacks for when I was hungry and made sure I had meals already done for my daughter. I focused primarily on my daughter and didn't engage in any conversations with my mother-in-law.
The changes I made really did make a difference. I found this to be a wonderful test for being happy even in less that appealing situations. I just have to keep reminding myself everyday that the power really is within me.
What tricks do you use to deal with unpleasant situations to keep your stress levels down and your happiness levels up?
One of my biggest stresses is my mother-in-law. She will try the patience of a saint and I am NO saint. I try to avoid the woman as much as possible, but as one can imagine, I do have to interact with her more often than I would like. My husband doesn't quite get it, but as time goes by I do notice that he is understanding a little more how I feel and why I feel that way. We had to make a trip to visit her this past weekend and I could feel my stress level rising even before the day of our visit. Just the anticipation of being around her and all the work that goes into carting off a 15 month old on a two hour drive and ten hour visit entailed sent my stress levels soaring. Normally this would have continued right through the weekend and I would have been extremely difficult to deal with until several days later. My natural inclination was stress and it wasn't going to be good for me or anyone else. I had to make a very real effort to just relax. No looking at the clock to see when we were going to leave, go to eat, have dinner ready, get back etc... Clock watching and being on any kind of schedule is pointless with my mother-in-law. She is extremely self-centered, doesn't care if your hungry, until she's hungry and is always late for everything. My husband tends to fall into the late for everything scenario as well. One has to be very easy going to get along in this situation and by nature, I'm not.
One thing I had to remember and one of the many reasons I write here, was that I had the power and by letting her and/or my husband stress me out was giving them power that they did not deserve. Coping meant me having to accommodate their issues and in turn mine as well. Setting myself up for success instead of stress was something I had to make a specific effort to do. I decided I was going to have a good weekend and that with a few changes in my behavior made all the difference. I knew I wasn't going to be able to change them, been trying that and it hasn't worked for me so far, but I can control me. So I didn't rush to leave, going or coming home. I took snacks for when I was hungry and made sure I had meals already done for my daughter. I focused primarily on my daughter and didn't engage in any conversations with my mother-in-law.
The changes I made really did make a difference. I found this to be a wonderful test for being happy even in less that appealing situations. I just have to keep reminding myself everyday that the power really is within me.
What tricks do you use to deal with unpleasant situations to keep your stress levels down and your happiness levels up?
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