What IF..

This is not technically an "infertility blog". I've been down that road, in fact, that's where it all began, blogging about my plight to become a mother. I still stay connected to the community to a certain degree because I'd become invested. Invested in a cause that I feel is worthwhile and invested in the women who have "been there" are "still there" and "will always be there". The reason I stepped away was because I didn't want to be one of the ones that "will always be there".

Recently I participated in part I of a two part project, "Project IF". The first part entailed just "stating your biggest “what if” in regards to infertility." To be honest, this was a very easy thing for me to write about. Part of going through the process of trying to have a baby when subfertile or infertile is constantly questioning things and there are a ton of "what ifs" along the way because there as so many variables, options, choices and decisions to make. I questioned every step along the way, everything I'd done in my past and everything that my decisions could mean for the future. It is a TON of emotional weight to bear.

For me it took time and distance to gain clarity on this period in my life. Often when one is in middle of something it is difficult to see things clearly and of course there is also something to be said about Monday morning quarterbacking. What I know now is if I could go back, I wouldn't do anything differently, so basically, all my "what ifs" were for not. It was a wonderful lesson to learn. What ifs get you no where and the only thing they do is cause anxiety, emotional turmoil and unhappiness.

As I participated in the first part of this project, as mentioned before, I easily came up with a "what If"...and then I thought about it and reminded myself not to go there. I can't change what is already done and I have faith in God that everything that happens in my life, happens for a reason. I believe in myself and that I will face every decision with an open mind and heart, and that I will do my very best to do what's right. It's all I can do and I'm happy with that. So no more "what IFs" for me.